Men, Romance, and Today

This was written about a month ago. Since then I’m VERY happy to announce I am in a relationship (more to come). I still really like what I wrote and hope you do too. 

Enjoy and Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’m single. You are probably well aware of this.

I am looking for the right guy. I’m not sure when I will meet him, I thought I had already found him but was mistaken. My divorce corrected that. I don’t want to get divorced again which may lead to me never marrying someone but that doesn’t mean I won’t have a special someone in my life. I’m open and waiting patiently.

When I watch TV I am confronted with people starting, growing, and ending their relationships. I don’t think I watch a lot of TV but some days I need to turn part of my brain off and I turn on the tube. This evening in particular I watch Jess and Nick of New Girl talk together as exes to discuss what they were doing wrong in their current relationships. I later ran out of new TV and moved to nick@nick with Full House on. I’ve been watching Fuller House on Netflix and being able to go back in time was perfect. It was the episode with Jesse dealing with the thought that he might not be smart enough for Becky. It ends with them having a fight over his machismo behavior at a party. Then Jesse realizes that he was wrong and serenades Becky outside her apartment before they have a real conversation about his insecurities and fears about losing her. You can enjoy the sweet sound of John Stamos below.

I can see how scenes like this and others shaped who I was drawn to. My exhusband wasn’t anything like Jesse Katsopolis but I remember those early days and him serenading me after classes at Emerson in his North End apartment with his guitar. The boy could sing.

But let’s be realistic people, I’m not in college anymore. Guitars are rarely sitting idly buy waiting for a pretty girl to go by. Instead now you have to get to a point where you go over each others apartments and maybe, just maybe if they are actually interested in sharing their hobbies with you, rather than just sucking your face off, they might pick it up to show you their skills. And the skill of playing guitar or singing isn’t even what were actually looking for because what we want is romance, vulnerability, and emotional intimacy.  The serenade is just the romantic act which leads to the next.

So where has romance gone in a modern world where initial introductions are done by electronic messenger boxes? Let’s pretend for a moment that their photo on the dating app is their face which I see in passing from across the bar. Their profile is the assumptions I make from looking them over, I’m a bit psychic. (And not to go off my visualization but you can read a lot off of a person. You’re not just wearing that [insert fandom] t-shirt because it looks stylish and sophisticated.) So I either catch your eye across the bar and you initiate the conversation or I walk up to you and make a joke about something stupid I’ve observed in the bar. We might talk a bit or even make a date but now we have each others attention. There’s no real wooing. If I like them then I try to keep their attention. If they like me then they try to keep my attention. This attention is wrapped up in text message responses. If they don’t respond that’s it. You move on. There’s no grand gestures of romance, I guess in today’s age, it would just be an emoji.

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I haven’t been slacking

As hard as I may try, I can’t do everything at once. This week has been one of running around. I am super productive but unfortunately unable to share daily. Here is a quick update as well as Mulan attempting to spit because sometimes this is how I feel.
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  • I move into my new apartment with Batman/The Dark Knight Saturday. If you are free to help me move some boxes the truck arrives at 9:30am. Text or FB message me. We need a couch if anyone has an extra one.
  • I got a new part time job at the YMCA. I’m super excited to stay within my community and meet more of my neighbors.
  • I have a deadline for Motif Magazine on Friday for the Alt-Romance issue. This should be interesting. Look for it at your favorite Providence watering holes.
  • I have a show tonight at the Providence Improv Guild at 8pm with Small Mouth Bass. Information at ImprovPIG.com. It’s Musical Improv with the wonderful Keith Munslow.
  • I am planning a wedding for a friend and progress is being made. It’s so exciting and I can’t wait to share more on this in the future.

I hope to figure out a consistent way to provide you with random stories and thoughts as the year progresses. If you don’t see anything on my blog, bug me directly via email.

 

Love you all and hope to run into you soon!

XO Jax

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Celebrating a dreamer

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr was an INFJ on the 16personalities.com site or as they’ve named the type: The Advocate.

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Painting by Todd Zavorskas, created at the event and donated to On Common Ground. Prints will be made available through our website at OnCommonGroundInc.org.

I had the ability to celebrate Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in a new way this year. The nonprofit I work for had their annual Day of Service event. Typically, I am in Boston for MLK weekend dressed up in costume, running around a hotel with some of the most interesting people I have ever met. This was the first time in 6 years I have not attended Arisia and I’m okay with that. Instead I helped move supplies and people in and out of LaSalette Shrine’s conference center so that we could host speaker Joel Christian Gill of Strange Fruit Comics, as well as a variety of artists who gave their time to show forms of expression to the community. The event went very well and I was even featured in The Sun Chronicle’s article.

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I think one of the things I like the most about celebrating the life and the legacy of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King is the fact that it gives everyone the opportunity to discuss empathy. What does it mean? How do you exhibit empathy? The best way to explain it is through this video.

Empathy is not something everyone has but it’s important. Just see the definition.

noun em·pa·thy \ˈem-pə-thē\

Definition of empathy

  1. 1:  the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it

  2. 2:  the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also:  the capacity for this

Empathy is being able to relate to someone/something’s feelings. We at times may not be able to understand our own feelings, let alone be sensitive to someone else. But for those of you reading this, I believe you have the capacity for this. It can be as simple as taking a breath before you say something to someone else and really think about what they said. To immediately rebut whatever they just said with a similar experience of your own may not be right. You’re trying to relate to them through a comparable but is your experience comparable to theirs? Could you be making light of their feelings in that experience?

In regards to Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I don’t just see him as a civil rights activist or a dreamer. I see him and his work as that of an empathetic person who’s encouraging others to have empathy as well. When we give ourselves the full ability to understand someone else’s feelings we realize that their feelings aren’t the important part of the exchange. Their feelings are just the method of communication and a reaction to that of a larger problem. It’s typical that people don’t react until they are directly effected by something. By having empathy for others, we are allowing ourselves to be directly effected by the same experiences as them. It is my hope that we would all take THAT, that important information, and do something about it. This is where the civil rights or human rights activism takes form. I don’t need to have an experience with racism to understand that it’s wrong and probably doesn’t feel good but when I empathize with a person in America who is not white, I am compelled to do everything in my power to make sure that I have no part in the hate. I am determined to fight against hate I encounter with more love and understanding than I can muster. This is where the term “bleeding heart liberal” comes from. I always thought it sounded negative, like a bad word. But after reflecting on my time as a social justice warrior (another hot word right now) and the legacy of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I can honestly say that I’m proud to have a heart, a big heart, bleeding for every single person I meet everyday and the future I dream for us all.

Happy Birthday Rev. Dr. King, Jr. 

xo Jax

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A photo from my trip the MLK Memorial in Washington, D.C. in 2012

Moaning and “Groin”ing

Have you ever thought about when you’re injured and you don’t have Facebook? There’s no status bar to update with your gripes. You have to reach out to individuals to share the news that you’ve pulled your groin walking back from the bathroom at work. How dignified. It seems stupid to share that type of information with people who aren’t the closest to you, like your mom or your best friend. So ultimately your left lying there with a bag of ice on your groan and no one to give you sympathy. So what do you do, nothing. You take Advil and you go to bed. You hope tomorrow it won’t be as bad because a groin injury is like a pain in your ass. (Well…it’s relatively close.)

 

FYI this happened the other day so I’m okay and you don’t need to show me any pity. 

My Personality Type – ENFJ-A

Have you ever taken a personality test? 16Personalities.com has it for free. My temporary roommates were taking it and talking about it during breakfast so I took a moment to do it. Here were my results.enfja

I’m not surprised. Extraverted 100% – I love people (especially you reading this.) Intuitive 72% – This is energy. According to 16Personalities.com, this is the most important because it focuses on how a person sees the world.

Individuals with the Intuitive trait prefer to rely on their imagination, ideas and possibilities. They dream, fantasize and question why things happen the way they do, always feeling slightly detached from the actual, concrete world. One could even say that these individuals never actually feel as if they truly belong to this world. They may observe other people and events, but their mind remains directed both inwards and somewhere beyond – always questioning, wondering and making connections. When all is said and done, Intuitive types believe in novelty, in the open mind, and in never-ending improvement. (Credit)

I’ve always been a dreamer but in high school Mr. Kaminski taught me to dream big. I continued to fantasize of what was possible, what I could do and how to make it happen. When I see an obstacle I always questions why it is that way. I know this makes many people mad at me. When wedding planning my mom would always say “that’s not what people expect.” Why did I have to do what people expect? Why couldn’t I do it the way I envisioned it. I have always looked for a place where I belonged and finally found it in improv. The idea that grown adults could play pretend and it was a performing art form, made me gleeful. Learning that the Empire Revue and musical improv existed brought tears to my eyes. I’m great at making observations of my surroundings and people but as an AV nerd and event planner I’m constantly wondering why they did it that way or how it works. How do I get behind the scenes so I can learn more about it? I also do believe in never-ending improvement. This is found evident in my desire to continually improve and better myself as a human being. Feeling 76% – I believe in having all the information you need to make a good decision but I’d be remised if I didn’t state that I am strongly swayed by feelings and listening to my gut. An example of this can be see in the purchase of my house. You can read about it hereJudging 78% – This one is funny. Judging is decisive and organized but prospecting are good improvisers and nonconformist. It makes sense why I would have a bit of that but due to my jobs, I have to be organized, otherwise I wouldn’t get things done. I can see the prospecting part of me picking up the slack for my lack of preparation sometimes. I’m not sure I like one side better than the other, I kind of wish this was more 50/50. There’s always room for improvement. 😉 Assertive 83% – As for my identity, it has taken me a long time to get to the place I’m in now where I feel very self assured as to who I am and what it takes to be me and accomplish my dreams. I know I’m a confident smart ass but I care about people, don’t forget about that part…that makes me less of a jerk than most.

Overall at the end of this quiz’s assessment it shows you other Protagonists you might know. Look at who the first two are.

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I know my temporary roommate A was very jealous cause she loves President Obama. If I can be half as great as Obama or Oprah, I’ll be happy. Maybe I should change my name to Ojax. What did you get for your personality type? I’ll leave the comments open below so you can share your results.

XO oJax