Men, Romance, and Today

I’m single. You are probably well aware of this.

I am looking for the right guy. I’m not sure when I will meet him, I thought I had already found him but was mistaken. My divorce corrected that. I don’t want to get divorced again which may lead to me never marrying someone but that doesn’t mean I won’t have a special someone in my life. I’m open and waiting patiently.

When I watch TV I am confronted with people starting, growing, and ending their relationships. I don’t think I watch a lot of TV but some days I need to turn part of my brain off and I turn on the tube. This evening in particular I watch Jess and Nick of New Girl talk together as exes to discuss what they were doing wrong in their current relationships. I later ran out of new TV and moved to nick@nick with Full House on. I’ve been watching Fuller House on Netflix and being able to go back in time was perfect. It was the episode with Jesse dealing with the thought that he might not be smart enough for Becky. It ends with them having a fight over his machismo behavior at a party. Then Jesse realizes that he was wrong and serenades Becky outside her apartment before they have a real conversation about his insecurities and fears about losing her. You can enjoy the sweet sound of John Stamos below.

I can see how scenes like this and others shaped who I was drawn to. My exhusband wasn’t anything like Jesse Katsopolis but I remember those early days and him serenading me after classes at Emerson in his North End apartment with his guitar. The boy could sing.

But let’s be realistic people, I’m not in college anymore. Guitars are rarely sitting idly buy waiting for a pretty girl to go by. Instead now you have to get to a point where you go over each others apartments and maybe, just maybe if they are actually interested in sharing their hobbies with you, rather than just sucking your face off, they might pick it up to show you their skills. And the skill of playing guitar or singing isn’t even what were actually looking for because what we want is romance, vulnerability, and emotional intimacy.  The serenade is just the romantic act which leads to the next.

So where has romance gone in a modern world where initial introductions are done by electronic messenger boxes? Let’s pretend for a moment that their photo on the dating app is their face which I see in passing from across the bar. Their profile is the assumptions I make from looking them over, I’m a bit psychic. (And not to go off my visualization but you can read a lot off of a person. You’re not just wearing that [insert fandom] t-shirt because it looks stylish and sophisticated.) So I either catch your eye across the bar and you initiate the conversation or I walk up to you and make a joke about something stupid I’ve observed in the bar. We might talk a bit or even make a date but now we have each others attention. There’s no real wooing. If I like them then I try to keep their attention. If they like me then they try to keep my attention. This attention is wrapped up in text message responses. If they don’t respond that’s it. You move on. There’s no grand gestures of romance, I guess in today’s age, it would just be an emoji.